My Hero
by Rei Tel Aviv
Summary: When Ziva talked to Tony on the Seahawk, she seemed relunctant to be back in D.C. Why, what happened to make her so relunctant? Post-Agent Afloat-Tag.


**Author's Note**: Did anyone else wonder why Ziva seemed relunctant to be back in D.C. during Agent Afloat? I certainly wondered. And my mind wandered. And this is what I came up with. I editted some of the ending lyrics to suit the story a little more for the ending.

It's not what you think, that's for sure.

**My Hero**:

Ziva sat at her desk and watched Tony put his box of stuff from the Seahawk next to his desk. They were all back again. They were all a team again. So why didn't it all seem so perfect? McGee was typing away at his desk, Tony was digging through his box at his, and she was watching Tony unpack from her desk. She glanced towards Gibbs only to find that he wasn't there.

She said nothing though, and stood up. She wandered over to Tony's desk and starting pulling some of the stuff out of his boxes for him.

Tony glanced over and saw Ziva and he grinned, but he stayed silent as well. When she finally looked up at him, he just nodded a thanks, and she simply nodded back with a smile of her own.

Ziva glanced around at his desk and she noticed one thing first. Those pictures from L.A. were back hanging behind his desk. She eyed him suspiciously.

"What?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded her head towards the pictures. "Do you mind?" she asked. "I do have to work here too."

Tony grinned. "I think you look good."

Ziva's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Right.." Tony managed before taking them down. "I'll put them in my room instead."

Ziva's eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly in shock. "Tony!"

Tony grinned and stood with the pictures, running out from behind his desk.

Gibbs got off the elevator in time to see Ziva trying to grab pictures from Tony. Unfortunately Ziva was too short to reach the pictures while Tony held them over his head. He quietly walked over, plucking them out of Tony's hand and giving them to Ziva after a brief glance.

Ziva was completely silent after Gibbs glanced at the pictures. "Uh.. sorry Gibbs.."

"For?" Gibbs asked, looking over at Ziva.

Ziva said nothing and simply shrugged as she went back to Tony's box and pulled more stuff out for him.

Tony glanced between Ziva and Gibbs, but he said nothing, and went back to unpacking with Ziva.

_Too alarming now to talk it out  
Take your pictures down and shake it out  
Truth or consequence, say it aloud  
Use that evidence, race it around_

Ziva only dared a glance up when she heard the elevator and watched Gibbs get back on the elevator. She stood and went over quickly, sliding into the elevator before it closed.

Gibbs watched Ziva as she slid into the elevator quickly. "Need something?"

Ziva opened her mouth to speak, but instead she closed it just as quickly.

"What?" Gibbs asked. Ziva managed to confuse him at times, even when it shouldn't be so confusing.

"Nevermind.." Ziva said, getting ready to step off the elevator when the doors opened.

Gibbs put his arm in front of her to stop her and glanced at Palmer who was about to get on. "Take the stares Jimmy," he said, hitting the elevator close button. As soon as the doors closed and the elevator started moving, he flicked the emergency stop switch.

"Did you ever wonder if you're going to break the elevator doing that?" Ziva asked, folding her arms and leaning against the back wall of the elevator.

Gibbs smiled at that, but he wouldn't let her get him off base. "Ziva," he said, turning to look at her. "What's bothering you?"

Ziva simply shook her head. "It's nothing, Gibbs.."

Gibbs would have headslapped her if he hadn't seen the look in her eyes many times before since she had returned from Israel. "You and I both know that's a load of horse shit, Ziva," he told her. After a moment of silence, he simply sat down on the floor of the elevator.

Ziva's eyebrow raised up at that. Gibbs had _never_ done that before. She sighed.

"I can sit here all day."

Ziva looked down at her boss, then asked the question she'd been wondering since she'd received her orders to return to D.C. "Do you think I really belong here?"

Gibbs stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

Ziva sat down next to him. "It's just that.." she began. "I was so used to things in Israel, then I came to D.C. and was trained in the American way of investigating.." she explained. "Then I finally get that down, and let some of my Mossad training go, and then I'm sent back to Mossad and have to learn to hide everything all over again.."

"Ziva.."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, Gibbs," she told him. She hugged her knees to her chest and laid her head down on her arms. "Jenny was killed.. and I figured I was terminated for not saving her.."

Gibbs' eyes softened at Ziva's tone of voice. It was filled with pain and sadness. For the first time, Ziva simply looked like a lost child to him.

_There goes my hero  
Watch him as he goes  
There goes my hero  
He's ordinary_

"Now I don't know what to think.." she admitted. "I'm in Mossad a few months, and I get blown up at a bar.." she explained. "A few days later, I'm on a plane back to D.C. with orders to work with NCIS again.."

Gibbs placed his hand on her shoulder. "Ziva, you belong wherever you feel right.." he told her.

Ziva looked up at Gibbs, her eyes filled with the tears that she wasn't allowing to fall. "That's the problem Gibbs.."

Gibbs was almost afraid of what she would say to him next.

"I'm not sure what feels right anymore.." Ziva admitted. "I don't know where I belong.."

Gibbs knew the feeling well. "I know Ziva.." he told her. "I know how it is to be confused.." he admitted. "I wish I could tell you what you should feel, Ziva.. but I can't," he said. "I know what I think though."

Ziva stared at him.

Gibbs nearly hugged her there. The hopeful look on her face was nearly enough to gather her in his arms like the daughter he'd lost long ago. "I believe having you here at NCIS has been the best thing that's ever happened to us."

It nearly made Ziva cry to hear it. "It's not fair.."

"What isn't, Ziva?" he asked her.

"I shouldn't even be here.."

Gibbs stared at her, the confusion filling him again.

"If I had been able to do my job, Kate would never have died.." she managed to get out, nearly choking on a sob as she held the tears in. "Kate would have been able to save Lt. Sanders, she would have saved Jenny.."

Gibbs did what he wanted at that moment. He pulled Ziva into his arms and held her as tight as he could.

_Don't the best of them bleed it out  
While the rest of them peter out  
Truth or consequence, say it aloud  
Use that evidence, race it around_

Ziva finally let the tears fall freely as she held onto Gibbs as a safety line. Never had anyone before held her while she cried. She could count twice now that Gibbs had done it though. She could come up with so many times that Gibbs had been there, saved her, and kept her safe. "I killed them all, Gibbs.. I did it.."

"No Ziva.." Gibbs said, running his fingers through her hair. "You've saved us all.."

Ziva shook her head. "No.. if I'd done my job, Ari would never have killed Kate.. and I.. I.."

Gibbs closed his eyes. He knew what would come next.

"Why did he have to be my brother..?"

Gibbs didn't see that coming. Not.. 'I killed my brother..' or 'I killed my own family', but she asked him why they had to be related.

"It wasn't him who killed Kate.. it was me.." she choked out. "I killed everyone.."

Gibbs shook his head. "You never did anything wrong Ziva.." he told her. Right now Ziva seemed more like a child then the icey assassin he'd first met a few years ago.

"I did.. Gibbs.." she managed to get out. "Kate.. then Ari.. Lt. Sanders.. Jenny.." she mumbled out. "I nearly killed Tony when he followed me up on those rafters because I insisted on defusing that bomb.."

Gibbs sucked in a breath. "Ziva," he said. "Ziva look at me."

She didn't. Instead she closed her eyes.

"Open your eyes and look at me, Ziva," Gibbs said quietly. He tilted her chin up and waited until she finally opened her eyes to look at him. "There was nothing you could have done about any of their deaths," he told her. "You had no idea Ari would kill Kate, and you saved my life," he told her. "Ari became uncontrollable, and if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't be here today.."

Ziva felt more tears roll down her cheeks.

"Roy Sanders.. there was absolutely nothing you could have done to save him," he told Ziva. "You fell for him Ziva.. and you fell hard.." he explained to her. "But loving someone who died, doesn't mean they died at your fault.."

_There goes my hero  
Watch him as he goes  
There goes my hero  
He's ordinary_

Ziva felt her whole body racking with the tears that she was unable to stop from falling.

"And Jenny.." Gibbs started. "Ziva.. she was going to die.." he told her. "No matter what she was going to die, and a horrible.. painful death," he explained to her. "Jenny went down how she wanted.. how she planned," he said quietly. Now that he was saying it to Ziva, he was finally beginning to believe it himself. "She saved herself pain by doing what she did, and she made sure she didn't kill you and Tony while trying to end that pain.."

Ziva closed her eyes and laid her head on Gibbs' shoulder, taking deep breaths to calm herself.

"And you've saved me many times now Ziva.." Gibbs told her.

Ziva remained silent as she stopped the waterfall and calmed down.

"You saved me the first time, with Ari.." he started. "The next time you helped me remember when I'd tried to forget everything.." he told her, keeping his arms around her. "Then when you called me in Mexico.."

Ziva looked up with confusion. "I called you to help me.. you saved me that time Gibbs.."

Gibbs smiled and shook his head. "True.. but we saved each other.." he admitted. "If you hadn't gotten me back, I might not have come back, Ziva.." he told her. "And I would have regretted that for a long time later.."

Ziva's eyes were filled with confusion, a slight warmth, and for the first time, some happiness as well.

"You're even saving me right now, Ziva.."

Ziva's eyes became even more confused. "I don't understand.." she told him.

_Kudos my hero leaving all the best  
You know my hero, the one that's on_

"You don't need to.." Gibbs answered her with a smile. If Kelly were still alive, he would've wished for her to be just like Ziva. Intelligent, beautiful, and still innocent through all that she's been through. "Ziva, you belong here, no matter what.. you will _always_ belong at NCIS, at least in my eyes."

Ziva wrapped her arms around Gibbs and hugged him with all that she could. Her father had never been a father, not really. Gibbs was by far, the closest thing to a father she'd ever had. Truthfully, it was all she could ever really want and ask for anyways. "Thank you.."

Gibbs smiled, hugging her back. "Don't thank me for telling you the truth, Ziva.." he told her.

This kiss he placed on her forehead was nothing like the one her father had placed on it back in Israel. Eli's had been for show with somebody else in the room. Gibbs' kiss, even with how small it was, had been filled with warmth and care. She'd never felt like she belonged somewhere more then she did right now, right here, at NCIS at this very moment.

"You're right, Jethro.." Ziva said quietly. "I think this is where I belong afterall.."

Gibbs smiled at her use of his middle name. She was one of the rare few that he allowed to do it, and even though she knew she could, she rarely did it. It was her way of showing a type of affection for him, to show him he was a friend to her, and not just her boss. He knew that well.

"If you don't mind.. may I leave for a little while?" Ziva asked as they both got to their feet. "There's something I need to do really quick.."

Gibbs smiled and nodded. "Do you want me to go with you?"

Ziva smiled back at him, wiping at her eyes to dry them fully. "I think.. I need to do this for myself.." she told him. "I think I finally can."

Gibbs nodded. "Call me then, if you need me."

"I will.." Ziva told him, watching as he switched the elevator back on.

Gibbs watched as she stepped off the elevator, nodded to him, and began walking out. He smiled. They'd saved each other once again.

_There goes my hero  
Watch her as she goes  
There goes my hero  
She's extraordinary_

Ziva stepped into the cemetery with two roses in her hand. It was a private memorial, and though the people she was visiting were not actually buried here, they'd given them markers to remember them by. She stopped at Jenny's first.

"I think.. I finally understand why you went in there.." Ziva said quietly, kneeling down at Jenny's headstone. "I understand what you felt.. why you did it.." she admitted, laying the rose down by the marker. "You were one of the first few friends I'd ever had, Jenny.. and one of my few heroes I'll admit I have.." she said. "Shalom.. my friend.."

She stood up, then turned. Where she was going next, even she never thought she'd be going. She sighed and gripped the rose before going to the headstone. "You're the reason why I'm here.. and why I finally belong somewhere for the first time in my life.." she said quietly, sitting down indian style. She placed the rose down, and held her star of david necklace tightly in her hand. "Todah, Kate.." she said, placing her other hand on the headstone. "You saved me more then anyone else ever could have.. and I'm sorry that this is how things ended.. that we could never meet. I think I would have liked you.."

"You're a hero.. and you'll never get to know what you did for me.." Ziva said to the headstone. She finally stood. "Lailah tov, Kate.. rest well.. and one day I'll be able to thank you to your face.."

After a moment, she turned and glanced back at the NCIS building across the base yard. "I finally have my true home.. I finally belong.."

_There go my heroes  
Watch them as they go  
But I still have a hero  
And he's perfectly ordinary_

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

**I thought it seemed like a good idea. No one has ever really seemed to consider how Ziva might feel even years later, about being Kate's replacement. I dont believe I've ever seen anyone have Ziva admit Kate is a hero to her, that Kate saved her. Which I think is true.**

**Please do let me know what you think about this. Don't be afraid to hate it.**

**Song by Paramore. 'My Hero'.**

**-Rei**


End file.
